


Ashes to Ashes

by Ramasi



Category: Slayers (anime)
Genre: Consent Issues, M/M, Magical Bondage, Post-TRY, Power Imbalance, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-10
Updated: 2011-11-10
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramasi/pseuds/Ramasi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelgadis discovers Claire Bible manuscripts, Xelloss destroys them, Xelloss' body feels human precisely because it isn't, and Zelgadis' emotions are tasty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes to Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Try but mostly based on Next, assuming that both of them are still looking for Claire Bible manuscripts at the time.
> 
> Despite the "explicit" rating, there isn't that much sex in this. Also, please heed the Consent Issues warning.

The first time it happened, it was not long after he'd left Lina and her party again. He would have basked in the wonderful confirmation that he was better off – more efficient, anyway – on his own, seeing as he hold a Claire Bible manuscript in his hands so shortly after leaving, but the sorcerer's guild in the nearest city had only relinquished the essential information to him because someone had recognised him as a companion of Lina Inverse. Here he was, an extremely powerful shaman and talented swordsman, and if he was recognised or remembered for anything but a freakish monster, it was as a lackey of Lina. It was simply mortifying.

But no such feelings held in the face of his finding: he'd taken out his frustration on the dark creatures that were looming in the cavern he had visited, without daring to hope...

Yet here he was; some of the traps within the cave could be evaded but not destroyed, and so he had left it as fast as he could, and put a little space between himself and the strange, beckoning cries, that, while he'd become immune from their call from recent overexposure, were extremely distracting. Yet as soon as they were out of earshot, he sat down on a stone by the road – he was surrounded by peaceful, sunny meadows, nothing indicating that close by there was a deadly cave with a powerful treasure hidden within –, and unrolled the sheets he had found. He couldn't let it wait until he was back in the village and his rented room. If there was information on a cure here, he wanted to read it right now.

He had just started to read when a cheerful and all-too-familiar voice spoke from behind him:

"My, Zelgadis-san!"

Zelgadis whirled round; a moment later, Xelloss phased in in the direction opposite of the one the voice had just come from. Zelgadis turned back and jumped to his feet. The priest had not changed at all since last time he had seen him, same attire, same youthful, innocent face, same infuriatingly happy smile. He was hovering just above ground level on the other side of the road.

" _You,_ " Zelgadis hissed hatefully.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Xelloss said cheerfully, and floated a little closer. "My, is that a Claire Bible manuscript you have here?"

Zelgadis clutched the sheets tighter in his left hand, while with his right, he prepared for a spell.

He didn't have time to cast it; Xelloss only "tsked" quietly, and raised an admonishing finger, and suddenly the manuscript burst into flamed in his hand.

Zelgadis gasped. The situation was eerily familiar, the green flames that licked over his stone hands without damage, the feel off crumbing ashes falling through his fingers, irretrievable. A guttural sound, like a swallowed scream, was torn from his throat, as he stared at his empty hand in dismay. _No. Not again, no!_

"I'm sorry, but –" Xellos began.

Zelgadis glared up at him.

"Ra t –"

Xelloss vanished.

"– itl," Zelgadis finished uselessly; he just had time to watch his spell quietly flow into nothingness before he was suddenly violently stuck from behind.

The blow sent him sprawling onto the ground; he rose to his knees furiously, and turned to find Xelloss, same closed-eyed, smiling expression on his face as before, staff outstretched, floating in the air just above the stone he'd been sitting on earlier.  
Zelgadis grit his teeth. His back hurt more than it had any right to from a blow from a simple wooden staff on his stone skin.

"Ra –" he began again, without a moment of hesitation, and had the satisfaction of seeing Xelloss' face twist in surprise for a moment, before Xellos phased out again, and this time reappeared inches before his face, lying in the air above his body horizontally, long robes staying neatly in place in an unnatural manner.

"That's not a very nice way to great an old friend," Xelloss said and opened his eyes just a slit for a moment. Zelgadis gulped.

"You're not –" The chimera stumbled to his feet, pushing the still floating Xelloss away. "– a friend."

He decidedly turned his back to the mazoku, did his best to ignore his voice as he protested, and walked back to where he'd been sitting, looking down at the pile of ashes that was all that was left of this hope to finally find his cure, and his rage, briefly subdued, flared up again: he turned back round, ready to launch another attack; he was feeling that he could deal with whatever retaliation better than with the damned mazoku just hanging there feeding on his distress.

When he looked up, however, Xelloss was nowhere to be seen.

"Xelloss?" he called.

Nothing.

"Dammit, Xelloss, show yourself!"

He could hear the peaceful sound of crickets in the meadows.

Zelgadis sunk back down on his stone, and carefully crushed the ashes under one foot. On reflection, this was worse: he'd rather at least be able to shout at and attack someone, no matter how fruitlessly.

After another few moments of alert waiting, he heaved himself back to his feet and walked down towards the village were he had lodged. He would keep looking.

 

And so he did, maybe with even more angry, single-minded determination than before.

However, his luck seemed to have run out. What followed was a long series of false calls, clues that turned out to lead nowhere, but whose pursuit ate up his energy and his time. Once he had to stop, work as a bodyguard for a while to earn some money.

He'd always thought that the positively bizarre situations their group so often got caught in were somehow Lina's fault: the young sorceress just seemed to attract that kind of things. But he was forced to revise this theory when he found himself helping a couple of fish-people recover an ancient text that turned out to be the fish recipe collection of an old cannibalistic fish-people tribe. Maybe, Zelgadis thought with distress, as he watched his companions' shocked flailing over the discovery, powerful as she was, Lina was somehow _leaking_ into the world.

Two months later, as he'd stopped in a small village in the middle of nowhere, he got word from Lina herself: a man approached him in the street cautiously, giving him a heavy missive and begging him to tell the terrible sorceress that he had done as he'd been told; clearly, Lina had somehow convinced the poor man that horrible things would happen to him if the letter wasn't delivered.

He skipped dinner and read the letter in the room he'd managed to rent from a villager over a cup of tea: to his relief, there were no bad news. Lina told him about her and Gourry's travels – Amelia was back home, though knowing her, she was certainly burning to take the road again herself – and ended with asking him to join them: apparently, she had acquired a location spell, tried to use it to find a treasure, found it only worked on people, and, after she finished fuming – Zelgadis could tell even though the letter didn't say – used it on him, and they weren't far away.

He found himself smiling at the cheerful account he was reading, warmed by the idea that they were thinking of him, maybe even missing him – but he didn't try to write back, and never considered joining them. He had to find his cure, and Lina and Gourry would only distract him from his goal.

Only a week after, he got a message from Amelia, in the form of a loud, cheerful, terribly embarrassing spell, a gleaming ball of light that flew into the inn where he was staying and began to sing its message loudly in the middle of the dinning room.

He sent that one back with a short response, telling himself that it was so he'd finally get ride of it – it kept going back on on regular intervals – and not because he'd feel guilty about leaving her without response or even because he missed her. He was just fine without human contact.

His closest call in finding a clue to his cure came only three days later and revived all the fury and determination that had started to waver: in the ruins of an old temple, where he had heard a Claire Bible might be hidden, he found a gapping hole in the middle of the main room, and, much worse, a recent scribbling on the crumbling walls:

"Hello, Zelgadis-san! ^_^ ", it read.

Zelgadis screamed and reduced what was left over of the ruins to dust; after that, he had to leave the region in a hurry: the locals would not be happy about the destruction.

For the next two weeks, he couldn't help seeing Xelloss everywhere: a certain turn of phrase used by a stranger, a piece of lilac cloth, a shift in the air, nonsensical graffiti on the walls... Then he actually met him again.

 

After all the useless trails he'd followed, one more couldn't really hurt, he decided, as he followed the old woman to her home on a small hill a little aside from the rest of the village. She was, by her own account, over ninety years old, and while she certainly looked her age – grey, brittle, deep wrinkles all over her face – she didn't _move_ like it: she was walking with a cane, and her legs were much shorter than his, yet he had trouble keeping up with her pace. She was hard of hearing and made up for it by talking incessantly herself, ignoring any comments she was getting.

Her place was small but cosy and well kept. Zelgadis warily followed her inside and sat down by the kitchen table as he'd been instructed to.

"Would you like something to drink first?" the woman asked him, looking at him with limpid blue eyes.

"No. I'd rather see the book right away."

"Of course," she nodded, and left him, unperturbed by the notion of leaving an armed stranger alone in her kitchen.

Zelgadis did his best to contain his excitement. This was ridiculous. There was no way there was a Claire Bible hidden in some old woman's cellar, let alone one the woman was happy to give away for a simple spell against backaches. At best, someone else would have gotten there _first_. He would use the spell anyway, of course: he felt more gratified than he liked to admit by her trust.

Lost in thoughts, he didn't hear her come in, and he stared in absolute shock when a book was laid down on the table before him. It was... It couldn't be...

Eagerly, he opened a page at random, and now there was no doubt. A true manuscript. He grinned, slightly maniac.

"Hey, now!" the woman complained. "The payment first!"

"Of course." He closed the book with shaking hands, hating to have to leave it out of his sight, his hands for even a moment. But he couldn't just leave with it without repaying his host; he couldn't help thinking about what Amelia would say to that.

He grimaced.

"You'll have to lay down somewhere."

She led him to an adjacent room, lay down on a sofa, and Zelgadis hoped the _wink_ was only a nervous tick; it was a simple but time-consuming spell, and one that never lasted forever. He did his best, though, and the woman seemed content with the result, if the happy sigh was any indication.

Zelgadis smiled to himself and returned to the kitchen, only to stop dead in the doorway; sitting by the kitchen table, sipping tea, a book opened before him, was Xelloss.

"You!" Zelgadis hissed, and rushed over to the mazoku and grabbed the book from him.

Xelloss turned his way, eyes still closed.

"Zelgadis-san!" he said, sounding just as surprised and not at all hostile.

The chimera wasn't listening; he stared at the detailed picture of two naked, closely enlaced women in incomprehension, and was still stuck like this when his host entered after him. Then his mind caught up. This wasn't the Claire Bible he had held in his hands earlier. Of course, Xelloss would have made the book disappear already...

"You... you..." He tossed the fake aside and lifted Xelloss up by the front of his robes – the tea cup went flying to the floor and broke – and shook him. "What did you do with it!?"

"It's a secret," Xelloss replied, and didn't resist when Zelgadis slammed him into the nearest wall.

"Where is it?" he asked again.

"What, what are you doing?" the old woman said in alarm, clearly more worried by Zelgadis' actions than by the presence of the unexpected guest.

Maybe she wasn't all that unaffected by his appearance after all, Zelgadis thought, already bitter, if she was so certain he had no good reason to attack someone who had broken into her house. He suddenly found her strange carelessness a lot less endearing.

"It's nothing," Xelloss assured her, and pushed Zelgadis back effortlessly. "Zelgadis-san is often like this right after using magic." He beamed at her; she beamed back; Zelgadis crossed his arms (he was not feeling left out, dammit!). "That's why I came to retrieve him as soon as I knew where he was headed. I hope you are feeling better?"

"Oh, yes!" the woman said brightly, appeased. "Your friend was a great help! Is there anything I can –"

"We'll be leaving now," Zelgadis hissed, not caring to correct her: all he wanted now was getting outside so he could throw spells at Xelloss without destroying the whole house.

"Ah, yes," said Xelloss, grabbed his staff, and let himself be dragged to the door by the chimera.

"Don't forget your book!" the woman called.

"Uhm – it seems we won't be needing it after all," Xelloss said, as Zelgadis growled through his teeth and continued to drag him towards the exit; Xelloss gave her an apologetic shrug.

 

Zelgadis marched them to the foot of the small hill before he let go of Xelloss and in the same movement cast a flare arrow at him.

Fire encircled Xelloss for a moment, dramatically, before it died down briskly, leaving him standing, completely unscathed.

"Flare Arrow," Zelgadis simply repeated, and: "Elmekia Lance. Elmekia Lance."

Xelloss vanished this time, briefly blinked back into existence to his right, vanished again.

"What – where?" Zelgadis whirled round quickly.

"Here!" In front of him, and gone again. "Here!" To his left.

"Elmekia Lance!" Zelgadis cast again, even as the "here!" came from behind him; he narrowed his eyes. _"Source of all souls which dwells in the eternal and the infinite. Everlasting flame of blue..."_

 

It was a little while later that Zelgadis stood, well out of breath and uncomfortably reminded of Lina, in the middle of the small crater their one-sided battle had created; Xelloss sat on a chair he had materialised out of thin air, and was sipping tea.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

Zelgadis glared at him, but didn't try another attack. He was tired and miserable. Earlier, in the house, the shock and the utter bizarreness of the situation had kept his distress over yet another lost chance for his cure at bay; and later, he had wanted nothing more than to _really hurt_ Xelloss. But now, it caught up with him, together with his exhaustion.

Even his anger was ebbing away, leaving only depression; Xelloss was a mazoku, and one who was apparently on a mission to destroy Claire Bible manuscripts; what did he expect? It wasn't the first time he wished he could see Xelloss as a completely inhuman, dark creature controlled only by orders and lust for negativity and destruction; he wouldn't be so irritated by him, if he managed that, he was certain. The problem was that Xelloss was quite good at pretending to be a human: an extremely unpleasant, annoying human, admittedly, but a human nonetheless.

"Why are you still here?" he asked.

Xelloss shrugged and stood up, chair and tea-cup blinking out of existence.

"Why don't we go back to your inn and have a meal?" he offered. "My treat." He grinned. "It's only fair."

"Just. Go away, Xelloss. I really don't want to see you."

The mazoku drew a hurt face.

"Well, I can tell when I'm not wanted," he said, and simply turned to walk away.

Zelgadis sighed deeply, and went into the opposite direction, back to the village, without looking back.

 

Malyor, a small, peaceful fisher village on the coast, with an old enchanted shrine. Raw, stony sand crunching under his feet as he walked towards it, the sound of playing children in the background, the golden shimmer of the setting sun over the sea, and the familiar scents of the ocean.

Only a few loose sheets hidden within the shrine, and he had barely deciphered the first word in the low evening light when they took fire and burned away, seconds before Xelloss appeared.

The priest's feet were touching the ground this time, and he was holding a grilling stick with a fish in his left hand, and smiling as always.

"There you are!" he greeted him cheerfully. "I left a message for you on the temple ruins by Canas, did you ever get it before they were destroyed?"

 

Erengad, a rich, busy merchant town with sumptuous palaces and small, dirty streets Zelgadis walked through with his hand on his sword. In the gloom of the houses' shadows, he read through the parchment he had acquired, annoyed. He'd suspected from the start it wouldn't be worth the money, but he was grabbing at straws, and the vendor had sensed his desperation and been completely unimpressed by his threatening stance, and refused to go down with the price. The first lines certainly confirmed his suspicion that the author didn't know enough about chimeras in the first place to have any clues as to how to unmake one.

He'd just reached the third paragraph and paused to avoid a dirty puddle on the ground, when the parchment suddenly caught fire.

Ashes fell over his hand.

"Xelloss?" he called out in disbelief.

And right enough, Xelloss came up behind him like he'd been there all along. Zelgadis automatically drew his sword, but didn't attack.

"What did you do that for?" he asked.

"For tradition's sake," Xelloss explained cheerfully, before vanishing.

Zelgadis stared at the empty spot, hesitated between anger and mere astonishment. Maybe he _was_ on to something when he suspected that Xelloss was trying to make _his_ life miserable, very specifically.

 

A mountain range not far from the outer lands, and an abounded dragon haven; it had not been easy getting through the protections, nor to drag the heavy metal plates back as the edifice crumbled above him; it was harder still to finally be back outside in the fresh air and watch bright green lightning cut through the plates, heating them so much even his stone hands felt the burn, and melting them to an indistinct puddle of metal at his feet.

"How..." Zelgadis stared down. "How can you be here!?" he shouted, looking around frantically until finally Xelloss appeared a few feet from him. "The place is full of holy magic!"

"Yes," said Xelloss, massaging the back of his neck embarrassedly, and he was actually looking a little tired. "But you dispatched the worse of it when you entered."

"I –"

"Just human enough to get close, too demon to get through without removing it," Xelloss explained cheerfully, and walked over the already cooling pool of metal. "It was impressive."

Zelgadis stared at him in horror. There'd been a barrier, he'd had to get ride of it to get through, he hadn't known it'd be enough to let through a full mazoku with all the other holy magic, and he _wasn't_ , it wasn't _part_ of him...

He tried to contain his anger; mazoku _liked_ anger, the last thing he needed was giving him this as well...

"I'm going to find a way to kill you," he said, as calmly as he could.

Xelloss patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't be like that," he said. "I've met Lina."

"What?" Zelgadis brushed him off, welcoming the occasion to momentarily forget his own grief; Xelloss didn't just meet people by chance. "Why?"

"That," said Xelloss, raising a finger to his lips, and Zelgadis winced at the words before they were even spoken, "is a secret!"

"Why do I even ask," Zelgadis muttered.

"She misses you," Xelloss went on. "So does Amelia."

"Amelia is with her?"

He felt a strange twinge at this, thinking of them – he didn't doubt Gourry was with them as well – being together. Maybe he should try to join them; after all, it wasn't as if his life had gotten any less absurd because he'd left them: he'd helped discover a lost book of fish-people recipes, and he'd just considerably helped Xelloss in _destroying a Claire Bible manuscript_.

And if the trickster priest had met her, something bad must be ahead of her...

"No, I was visiting Seyruun."

"You – what for?" Zelgadis asked, alarmed. "No, never mind," he added quickly when Xelloss lifted a finger to his lips again.

He sighed. You'd think having a chance to the fulfilment of your dearest wish whisked from under your nose in the last moment was something you couldn't get used to, yet at the moment he felt more tired than anything else. Knowing himself, the full impact of it would catch up with him later; right now, he just wanted to get away from the place.

He glanced up at the sky. If he hurried, he'd be back at his inn by nightfall.

"I'm leaving," he declared, and turned abruptly, only to have Xelloss overtake him, and then stop when he didn't follow.

"Aren't you coming?" the priest asked.

" _You_ aren't," Zelgadis said tightly; maybe this was a revenge for his lack of anger.

"Don't you want to hear about Lina-san?" Xelloss asked innocently. "And my offer for dinner still stands." He beamed at him.

Zelgadis sighed once again. Yes, travelling with someone else might again might be a good idea. It gave the insufferable mazoku someone else to pick on, at any rate. If Xelloss wanted to stay with him, there wasn't much he could do about it, he decided, and followed. He could use the distraction, even if Xelloss was technically responsible for that in the first place.

 

By the time they reached the inn – it was not fully dark outside yet – he was informed about Lina and Gourry's latest achievement, some ancient history, and had heard Xelloss' "It's a secret" so often that it was beginning to lose all meaning in his mind aside from being a string of sounds uttered by an extremely irritating voice. It could have been worse.

Xelloss resolutely entered the inn before him, so Zelgadis figured he wasn't going to leave him alone anytime soon, and followed with a sigh, quickly putting on the hood he'd forgotten about when entering the town, lost in the conversation.

Inside, the dinning room was crowded and loud, and Zelgadis quickly made his way to the stairs that lead to the rooms: he had no desire for company, and he wasn't particularly hungry anyway.

He was irritated though not surprised when Xelloss appeared a few minutes later, when Zelgadis had just taken off his shoes. What did surprise him was that he actually knocked on the door instead of just phasing into existence inside the room, though to be fair, he didn't wait for permission to enter, and the door had been locked.

"What do you want?" Zelgadis asked without turning round, bent over his pack in search of his hair-pliers.

"I offered dinner," Xelloss replied, to which Zelgadis muttered "not hungry"; by the time he turned round, Xelloss had put aside his staff, and sat down by the small table on which two steaming cups of – something, were now standing. "Tea then?"

"What is it?" the chimera asked, approaching suspiciously.

"It's tea," Xelloss said uselessly, and took a sip from his own cup. "It's not poisoned."

Zelgadis shrugged, and sat down and tasted from his own cup. The taste was bitter and foreign but not unpleasant.

"Where from?" he asked, curious how far the Mozoku had recently travelled, and put his cup down after a few sips; it was hot, almost boiling, but he couldn't feel it until it ran down his throat, and even then it barely stung.

"It's a secret," Xelloss said mysteriously. Zelgadis rolled his eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what you are up to with Lina?"

"Hm?" Xelloss said. "Why should I be up to anything?"

"Because you've been meeting her. Don't tell me you weren't planning to."

"No." Xelloss put his cup down, and pouted. "But can't I meet an old friend without a reason?"

"No, you can't, Xelloss," Zelgadis said flatly.

"I do with you," Xelloss pointed out.

Zelgadis blinked, only half believing his companion had said that.

"Xelloss, you show up to _destroy the manuscripts I find_." A creak appeared on the cup when he closed his stone fist on it, and he quickly let go; he wasn't going to let himself be provoked _now_.

"Well, I have work to do. But it's just a pretext," the mazoku said happily, and stood up.

"A – what?" asked Zelgadis, and watched wearily as the priest walked around the table to him.

"A pretext," Xelloss repeated, and leaned down to place a quick perk on the corner of his lips.

Zelgadis just stared at him in shock for a moment, before he stood up and put some space between them, moving quickly to the other side of the room. And shivered, because... Because it had felt nice, much more so than a simple, brief touch of lips against closed lips had any right to: warm and gentle and real, and this was absurd, because Xelloss' body was _not_ real; and his stone lips, which could touch scalding hot tea and barely notice it didn't feel warmth like that, not naturally.

And that was precisely the problem, the chimera guessed; apparently he'd been craving contact, simple, warm, physical contact much more than he'd been aware of.

"Don't you dare," he hissed, probably with much more heat than was advisable, at the mazoku who was slowly approaching him. "Ever do this again."

"Why?" asked Xelloss; he was smiling. "You seem to like it."

"I – don't –"

"Don't lie to me," Xelloss said, leaning in, and cracking his eyes open. "I can tell what you feel."

Zelgadis stared, transfixed, from the cold blue mazoku eyes down to the lips that were very close to his, and he was relieved when Xelloss closed the gap between them and kissed him again, a real kiss this time, lips against lips, fully, tongue slipping in carefully.

He swore, when he'd started to move his hands to Xelloss' chest, it'd been to push him off, but by the time they got there he'd changed his mind, and grasped at the thin fabric of his garb instead: it felt good, Xelloss' lips and Xelloss' tongue and Xelloss' hand cupping his chin, and whatever it was the mazoku was up to, he didn't see why he shouldn't enjoy it as long as the enjoyment lasted. He kissed back, pushing insistently against Xelloss' tongue and into Xelloss' mouth, and dragged Xelloss as close as he could, without any gentleness.

It was Xelloss who broke the kiss, and looked at him in a searching way that made him feel slightly self-conscious. Zelgadis quickly moved one hand behind the other's head and pulled him down again; Xelloss let him, allowed him to take control of the next kiss and to grind their bodies together, and Zelgadis only truly realised they'd been moving when his legs bumped against the bed and he fell down on it. Xelloss followed, half-laying above him, only briefly breaking their kiss in the process.

"Wait – stop," Zelgadis said.

"Why?" Xelloss asked seriously.

It was, actually, a good question, and part of him just wanted to stop asking and go on, and pretend there'd been a haze and maybe the tea – which he'd only drank a few sips of, and never mind his strong immune system – had been spiked, but it was too strange, he'd never manage to shut down his brain enough to... He blushed a little.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, and sat up on the bed; Xelloss moved to hover, cross-legged, above the bed beside him, which made him feel anxious, maybe because of the emphasis of how much his body was really not human, or even real.

Xelloss cocked his head to the side. His eyes were closed again. He looked infuriatingly cute and innocent.

"I like you," he said.

"You _what?_ "

"Your emotions," Xelloss clarified. "I like the way they feel, the way they taste."

Zelgadis stared at him, dumbfounded. He'd heard mazoku claim to enjoy certain of their victims' emotion more than others', but he'd never given this much thought, occupied as he usually was in such situation to stop their enjoyment of aforementioned emotions, usually by killing the monster.

"Why?" he managed.

Xelloss shrugged.

"It happens. When a mazoku spends too much time in a particular mortal's company, gets used to their emotions." He opened one eye. "I've been around you a lot lately, and you're a little bit addicting."

"Are you trying to declare your love for me?" Zelgadis asked sarcastically, a little frightened by the thought of being addicting to Xelloss.

"Hm." Xelloss closed both eyes again and seemed to seriously consider this. "I don't know. Maybe I do love you. But, it doesn't hurt me, so probably not," he finished cheerfully.

"Wonderful," Zelgadis muttered. "Have you been following me around all this time?"

Xelloss stared at him, actually seeming honestly surprised.

"Don't tell me you didn't figure that out, Zelgadis-san!"

"I thought you just showed up whenever I found a manuscript," Zelgadis snapped.

"Ah, I wasn't around all the time, of course. That would have defeated the purpose of having someone else looking for them for me, ne?" He grinned infuriatingly again, and the thing was, suddenly all his anger was back, maybe because the taunting made all his interferences a lot more personal, and he _still_ really, really wanted to go back to kissing Xelloss, and maybe more. Xelloss' grin widened: he must be feeling the anger, and enjoying it. "But I did check what you were up to pretty often." He stopped hovering, sat down on the bed. "Shall we proceed?"

Zelgadis' mouth gaped open; Xelloss opened his eyes again, fierce and dangerous, and the wide grin was still firmly in place, and the superposition looked strange, Zelgadis realised, he'd rarely seen it before.

"Yes!" he snapped, angrily, and Xelloss grinned even wider, showing teeth.

"Good," said Xelloss, but didn't move any closer. "But first, strip."

Zelgadis tensed.

"I –" _don't like to be looked at_ , don't like being seen, he finished silently, nothing to do with Xelloss in this case, who had never actually made fun of his appearance, which was more than he could say about some people he liked a whole lot more; and maybe this, something to remind him of his body so much, wasn't such a good idea after all.

Xelloss was still smiling, and there was a hungry look in his eyes now.

"I know," he said.

Of course, Zelgadis thought. That was – even when they'd first kissed, his enjoyment had been laced with confusion and old, deep sadness and fear, and _this_ was what Xelloss enjoyed. But maybe it was only fair: it wasn't like the mazoku would get anything out of the physical contact, after all.

"Fine," he snapped; he could tell by the twitch of Xelloss' mouth that he was noticing the new wave of annoyance as well.

He undressed quickly, something to get over with, and laid down, averting his eyes from his rock-covered body, his obvious, hideous arousal, from Xelloss' eyes especially, that were rummaging over his exposed body shamelessly.

Then Xelloss shuffled closer, easily pushed his legs apart to settle between them, and lightly trailed a hand over the chimera's side; Zelgadis stared up; the priest was still fully clothed, up to the silky gloves whose touch he was unnaturally aware of on his stone skin.

"Aren't you going to –"

"I'm fine," Xelloss said. "I'll stay like that."

Zelgadis glowered up at him but made no objection, and Xelloss simply laid down over him, soft garbs brushing against naked skin, buried one hand in the unyielding material of the chimera's hair, and proceeded to lick Zelgadis' chin, down his throat, to the hollow under his neck.

Pleasure and desire and nervousness and more; and Zelgadis did feel and taste different, unique, every minor shift of emotion more distinct than he was used to...

"Xelloss!" He blinked as the turmoil of emotions ebbed away, replaced by irritation. "Xelloss," Zelgadis snapped again, and he realised he must have been calling him a few times already; he had only vaguely felt him move, and Zelgadis had pushed himself up by one elbow, his other hand, for some reason, locked behind his ear, holding his head, and falling down again when Xelloss' gaze focused. "I realise the physical part of this doesn't do much for you," Zelgadis went on, and under the irritation the mazoku could feel the incertitude, "but this isn't going to work if you don't pay attention."

"Ah, yes." He grinned; he couldn't lose himself in the sensation like that. "Sorry."

That was the last thing either of them said for a while. Zelgadis laid back down, relieved and worried. Xelloss kissed him again, briefly, then proceeded to caress down his neck and his chest and his stomach with his gloved fingers, lightly at first, until he suddenly sent a jolt of burning magic through his hand, making Zelgadis cry out with the shock of the sensation; but he moved into the touch, even as the mazoku continued his ministration, light and warm touches, thin fabric on his skin and body warmth behind (and if he closed his eyes he could pretend he was normal again), to sudden bursts of pain that made him moan.

He hadn't been aroused by pain before, he didn't think, though he'd been very young when the transformation happened; but now all that mattered was sensation, some stronger, some lighter, all of it good. He hadn't been aware of that.

But he wanted more, wanted the direct contact of skin, of Xelloss' lips; he put both arms around Xelloss' neck to pull him closer, but the mazoku refused to budge, and drew back completely, raising up into the air, when Zelgadis tried to sit up and get closer to him, grinning meanly and licking his lips, until Zelgadis relented and allowed him to continue his teasing.

Xelloss was humming quietly to himself, and breathed in the turmoil of emotions he was met with like perfumes. Lust, deep, confused desire – and he only enjoyed these because they were _Zelgadis'_ –, anger, hate and self-loathing, frustration, badly suppressed fear – of him? of his own reactions? of the loss of control to this body of his he despised? –, shame, lingering sadness and loneliness, all of it mingled with the ever-present, bitter taste of pleasure, bits of happiness even, a constant, painful burn, like from too spiced food.

Too much of it made him dizzy, so briskly he went from circling one of Zelgadis' nipples with one finger to pinching it between thumb and index finger, and sent a sudden surge of power through his hand.

Zelgadis cried out in pain and shuddered violently beneath him, and Xelloss enjoyed the feel of it; the pleasure ebbed away, even Zelgadis's arousal weakened, but the want never wavered. When the pain relented, though without vanishing, as Xelloss continued to cruelly tease the assaulted spot, Zelgadis glared up at him, but with annoyance rather than anger, and there was a lingering, stinging feel of understanding there as well.

Finally, Xelloss gave his partner what he craved: a single, long, deep kiss, and then his lips and his tongue, kissing, licking and sucking over the stone skin, while his nails, still gloved, scratched down his sides, deep enough to draw blood.

It was not enough for long: Zelgadis bucked up against him angrily with his neglected lower body; Xelloss ignored him, and when the chimera went to touch himself, made a quick hand-gesture in the air that pinned his hands to the bed by his sides. Zelgadis struggled against the hold and glared up at him furiously, and Xelloss leant back to enjoy the sudden, brief onslaught of pure, unadulterated, honest _hate_ that was flung at him.

"You... you...!" Zelgadis snarled at him breathlessly, and then he began to whisper something.

Xelloss widened his eyes and quickly leant back down to cover the chimera's lips with his, fiercely, just for a moment.

"Were you about to _cast a spell on me_ , Zelgadis?" he asked, holding him down easily with one hand. "In the middle of sex?"

He could feel a surge of reluctant fear as Zelgadis stared into his eyes, but overshadowed by anger and desire.

"You started it," Zelgadis snapped. "Let me –"

"No," Xelloss said simply, grinning, and stretched out his body so his hips brushed against the other man's member, tearing a groan from him. "If you try this again," he went on, and licked over Zelgadis lips. "I will have to gag you."

Another surge of anger, this one directed against himself, for his own powerlessness; Xelloss couldn't tell if it was habit or Zelgadis' weakening mental defences that made the emotions easier to recognise and interpret.

"Or," he added slowly, sitting up, and shuffled back a little, keeping the chimera pinned down without contact, and lightly caressed over his dick with two fingers. "I could just leave."

Zelgadis mumbled something indistinct and insulting. Xelloss cupped his balls with one hand, while he closed the other over his shaft and stroked, and the onslaught of pleasure was so strong he had to pause to recollect his strength.

Zelgadis made a weird, amusingly high-pitched sound at the loss, and the unsatisfied longing was sweet and soothing after the raw enjoyment; he crunched down low, letting his breath tickle over Zelgadis' cock.

"In fact," he went on, voice a little faint, "I could leave you right here, just like that." Fear, sudden and sincere and delicious, and a brief struggle against the magic that held him down which smothered into a surprised shudder when Xelloss experimentally licked over his shaft. "I could come back whenever I feel like tasting you..." He sucked, briefly and dedicatedly, at the tip of the shaft, and shivered under the resulting sensation, pleasure and disgust and fear.

Zelgadis struggled again, though he wasn't quite sure if it was to get away or to get closer; but his body refused to obey him; the way his arms and his upper body, and he didn't even know when the same had happened to his legs, were trapped felt horrifying: he could feel them, and there was nothing holding them down, yet he couldn't move them; they were like foreign objects his consciousness had decided to include into what was part of _him_.

Xelloss placed both of his hands under his ass, and went to sucking him in serious, moving up and down in increasing pace, lips and tongue and teeth, and Zelgadis stopped struggling and let himself relax and forget everything but the overwhelming, wonderful sensation; he could feel Xelloss' lips trembling around him.

Then, briskly, Xelloss swallowed him whole, buried him deep within his throat, and this would have _killed_ anyone else, Zelgadis thought dizzily and wasn't even aware of the way he bucked up and moaned, lost in the unexpected pleasure, and only instants later, his whole world went white.

He came back to his senses moments later, pleasantly tired and more content than he could remember feeling for a very long time; his body was his again, and he pushed himself up on his elbows to glance at Xelloss, who was still kneeing between his legs, close-eyed; there was a deep scowl on the usually careless face.

"I'll be leaving then," said Xelloss, straightening up and brushing over his clothes for no discernable reason, as there didn't seem to be a single fold out of place.

Zelgadis started, and apparently sex made him irrationally affectionate in the afterglow, because the thought of Xelloss leaving so soon after upset him; when Xelloss frown cleared away as soon as he'd thought this, realisation dawned: of course, he was hardly pleasant to be around for the mazoku in his current, deeply sated state.

"Right," he said; what did one say in such a situation anyway? "See you, then."

Xelloss gave a curt nod, already grinning again, if a little shakily, stood up and retrieved his staff, and vanished in a firework of showy, ridiculous lights.

Zelgadis fell back onto the bed and was soon fast asleep.

 

When he woke up the next morning, he immediately knew that he had overslept; he was feeling well-rested yet found it difficult to bring himself to stand up, and this never happened to him.

The first thing he did was to order a bath; he couldn't help notice how weak and like faraway the feeling of his metal brush and even the water on his stone skin was compared to Xelloss last night. Then again, there were actually scars on his body from the encounter, so maybe it was better that way. He knew that getting used to the vulnerability again, when he found his cure, would be difficult: but – and this was something his friends didn't quite seem to understand – it would be worth it.

Not that he had much chance of _finding_ a cure now, with Xelloss following in his trail. _Addicting_. And then the things he'd said last night – he'd never meant them, of course, he realised this now, had only tried to draw negative emotions from him, yet still...

He sighed. There wasn't anything he could do anyway, and he wasn't going to start regretting the sex either; whatever the other had been thinking about, it had been excellent. And maybe, if Xelloss was caught up in a grander scheme involving Lina, he'd get a better chance at keeping a manuscript long enough to read it soon.

He walked into the inn's main room half an hour later, and stopped by the entrance, startled when he found Xelloss sitting by a table in a corner of the room; he'd been sure the mazoku would have left to somewhere else by now, and he surprised himself by feeling somewhat pleased he hadn't, and _that_ was a worrying thought. Starting to actually like Xelloss, aside from being an extremely stupid idea in the first place, would actually ruin any potential relationship between them, as it could hardly be pleasant for Xelloss. He internally winced at the absurdity of it. This was _all Rezo's fault_.

Xelloss must have sensed his presence, because he suddenly turned round, grinned, and called  
"Zel-chan!" at him, and waved both arms. "Over here!"

Zelgadis winced for real this time, when every pair of eyes in the room – luckily, it wasn't very full at this time of the day – turned his way, and repressed the urge to replace his hood; it was too late to hide now. He quickly walked over to Xelloss, head bent to avoid the gazes.

"Don't do that," he hissed, though he knew it wouldn't have much effect.

Xelloss smiled at him.

"Coffee," he told the waitress who had ambled over, having noticed Zelgadis' entrance as well as everyone else. "And another cup of hot water for me, please."

The waitress shot him a scalding glare for this, and left. Zelgadis watched as Xelloss meticulously drew a small tea packet from his pouch, and dropped a few leaves into the hot water as soon as it arrived, earning himself another glare, while Zelgadis began to sip his coffee.

After two more cups, he was ready for a discussion; he was surprised Xelloss had managed to remain silent this long. It was a little suspicious.

"Last night," Zelgadis began, and did very much not blush when the man across of him raised his eyebrows; he was pretty sure he would never – or at least not for a very long time – manage to casually talk about sex he'd just had with an actual human, but this wasn't talking about sex, it was talking about magic and the nature of mazoku and – well, alright, _and_ sex, but only as a tangent. "You continued. Even after it must have stopped being good for you." And why did this sound so dirty, anyway?

"I was hoping you'd want to do it again," Xelloss replied cheerfully.

"Oh." Zelgadis felt a strange, unfamiliar heat somewhere beneath his chest, and found it rather depressing that Xelloss could probably tell what it meant, and he couldn't. "This – thing. This addiction," he added, irritated, when Xelloss raised his eyebrows again. "How often does it happen?" He'd never ever heard about it; it had to be rare, or secret.

"Not often. It usually takes longer, and humans don't live all that long."

Zelgadis thought for a moment.

"What about dragons?"

"What?" Xelloss blinked his eyes open briefly, taken aback both by the question and the sudden mean amusement that was emanating from Zelgadis. He liked it; Zelgadis should tease back more often.

"Amelia once said you and Filia would go well together."

"Ah, Filia. She was very delicious." Xelloss smirked. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Zel-chan?"

"Are you going to keep calling me that?" Zelgadis asked, clearly a little disappointed his jab hadn't stuck.

Xelloss shrugged.

"What are you going to do next?" he asked, after a brief silence; Zelgadis had the feeling that by "you", he actually meant "we"; it did not bode well for his search.

"I don't know," he muttered, and stared down at his mug. "There's no point looking for my cure if you keep destroying all the manuscripts I find."

"You make me sound horrible," Xelloss protested with a pout. "Anyway, it doesn't have to be a Claire Bible."

"Erengad," Zelgadis said flatly.

"You _know_ there wasn't going to be anything useful in these documents," Xelloss waved this away.

"So if I find something other than a Claire Bible, you will let me keep it?" he asked guardedly.

"Ah." One eye slid open. "Probably. I like you better this way, of course."

"Because it makes me miserable," Zelgadis guessed.

"Hm? Why would a human body make you any less miserable? You can't really think all your problems would disappear if you transformed."

"It'd be a good start," Zelgadis bit out; Xelloss drew a sceptical face. "Why then?" Zelgadis asked quickly, having no desire to talk about this; if Xelloss, of all people, started telling him to accept himself the way he was and that he looked cool, he was not going to be able to deal with it...

"You'll live longer, for one," Xelloss replied, holding up one finger. "Of course," he added cheerfully, "that could mean you'll become powerful enough that we'll have to destroy you!" Zelgadis snorted and Xelloss started at the emotion he felt in response to this. "You're _flattered!_ "

"I'm not," Zelgadis snapped, without much conviction; it wasn't like he could lie to Xelloss about his emotions, and it _was_ just a little bit flattering to think Mazoku Lords could consider him a threat.

"I'm so glad I found something that pleases you!" Xelloss said.

"Oh, shut up."

"I'm sure," Xelloss went on, and grinned in a way Zelgadis had once heard described as cute, and that, in his opinion, looked rather maniac, "that this will be a very happy relationship!"

**Author's Note:**

> Mention goes to tsutsuji (I hope she doesn't mind) whose awesome fic got me into this fandom in the first place.


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